Boundaries
Honoring Autonomy between people
Honoring Autonomy between people
Anna Guest, MOT, OTR/L
University of Maine Center on Aging
Lifelong Maine
University of Maine Center on Aging
Lifelong Maine
Those of us who find ourselves called to community-based work bring big hearts, and a desire to give to others, make a difference for the folks we work with, and in our communities. It is that very desire to care and connect that makes an understanding of boundaries so critically important for ourselves and the people we serve.
Boundary Basics: Professionalism, Safety, and Trust
In this video from our partners at Catholic Charities, you'll learn about why boundaries matter in our work with others, the importance of acknowledging the difference between professional relationships and friendships, ways to protect your privacy and boundaries, signs that you may have blurry boundaries, and how to get support in your work when you need it.
What Do Boundaries Look Like in a Lifelong Community?
In a small community, boundaries may feel more complex and less clear cut than in a larger city or in an organization serving a broader area. For Community Connectors, community leaders, and volunteers providing services in a close-knit community, deep roots and a complex web of relationships may come into play and impact how we work with neighbors and community members in a more "professional" context.
Consider these examples:
Sally is receiving rides and food deliveries through the local age friendly initiative, is the neighbor of one of the program volunteers, taught at the local school for 30 years and knows the children of everyone in town.
Your childhood best friend's mother is referred to the Community Connector program through your town's EMS after a fall, and as the new Community Connector, you'll be going in to her home to do a needs assessment.
Reflection - Boundary Basics
As you think about your own community, the examples provided here, and the best practices shared in the Catholic Charities video, reflect on the following questions.
How does having clear boundaries support the people you work with?
How do boundaries provide clarity about your role and the services your community provides?
What does a “professional relationship” mean to you in the context of close knit age friendly community work?
Who could you talk to if you have concerns about boundaries or a conflict of interest while doing your work?
Understanding Our Own Needs & Boundaries
Developing a strong sense of how to listen to and care for ourselves and honor our own needs is foundational work for setting and holding clear boundaries. In this section, you'll find tools to help you strengthen your attunement to yourself, and to help you communicate your boundaries with others.
Click here to watch the TED Talk, "Good Boundaries Free You" by Sarri Gilman. It offers a framework for understanding and setting boundaries.
Activity - Understanding Your Own Needs and Boundaries
We're not alone in developing our skills around boundaries. Visit the Padlet below to share your tips, strategies and approach, and learn from others while you're there! In the Padlet, click on the "+" signs under each category to add your ideas about boundaries.
Boundaries Padlet - Click Here to visit and contribute.
Reflection - Understanding Your Own Needs and Boundaries
Can you think of a scenario where your compass clearly pointed to "yes"? To "no"? Where your compass was clouded? Click here to complete the second of three reflections in this chapter. Completing the reflections will also record your progress.
Responding to Common Boundary Challenges
We likely all have places where we struggle with setting or communicating clear boundaries. Sometimes we might not know a boundary has been crossed until we take some time to process it.
Taking time to reflect on situations where we feel uncomfortable, stressed, or exhausted can help us identify where we can listen to ourselves and understand our inner boundaries better so we can practice voicing our needs and limits to others.
For example, Stella visits a community member, Linda, who likes to chat and share updates about her personal life throughout the visit - she often finds herself spending double the intended time, and slowly inching toward the door. The oversharing of personal information and the inattention to time make Stella uncomfortable, and although she knows she's helping Linda, she feels stressed to think about dealing with this at every visit. She has started clearly telling Linda that she has other commitments and needs to leave by a certain time, she also asks for Linda's help in keeping them on track so they can accomplish everything Linda needs during their time. She also knows she'll likely need to continue to reinforce this boundary at each visit.
Especially for folks in "helping", "supporting" or connecting roles, it's important to acknowledge what is and what isn't our responsibility. Clarity around these points can help us feel more comfortable setting and upholding boundaries. Boundaries help us honor our own agency, the sense of control we feel in our own life, and respect the agency of the people we work with. In this way, boundaries also help us work within the framework that it's not our responsibility or job to "fix" or "do for" someone else, but we can provide caring and support that equips them with the resources, tools, and services to do for themselves.
Reflection - Responding to Common Boundary Challenges
What situations cause me unnecessary stress or discomfort?
What situations give me energy versus makes me feel exhausted?
What do I look forward to each day versus what do I dread?
What makes me feel safe, supported, and valued?
In the next section, we'll explore how we could voice our boundaries using scenarios of common boundary issues.
SECTION THREE - Boundaries in Action
Now that we've reviewed some of the core considerations and strategies for identifying and maintaining boundaries, explore these scenarios to see how you might respond in some real-world settings. These scenarios are designed to help you explore real world boundary issues and reflect on how you might respond.
Click through the scenarios and discussion slides below using the arrows or 3 dots; then watch the video to "unpack" each scenario.
Evolving Our Thinking: Boundaries Are About Respect
As we continue to explore and reflect on the value and importance of boundaries, can we begin to see them, not as an externally imposed set of rules, but a way of being in the world that centers mutual respect for ourselves and others?
As Brené Brown shares, "the most compassionate people are also the most boundary-ed". Find out more in the video below.
Additional Resources
The Concept of Agency and Its Four Helpers
Learn more about what it means to have agency in life, and four qualities we can use to support agency.
Brené Brown: 3 Ways to Set Boundaries
This article offers three concrete strategies you can use to reinforce your boundaries.
Cross References: Confidentiality, Mental Health chapters?
During this chapter, we hope you will gain a few tools to help you think through the boundaries you will maintain with community members who participate in age-friendly.
If you have any questions as you are going through the material, please email: lifelong@maine.edu.